In a race to play the race card

A family is having a fine summer day at Valleyfair, Minnesota’s theme park extraordinaire, when the father witnesses his young daughter get groped and harassed. After trying to defend her, one of the young black men doing the harassing calls in more friends and the father is beaten. How dare he protect his daughter, you know?

In the following days, well-justified outrage is expressed by many in the community. Some push for the Scott County attorney’s office to charge the offenders with a hate crime: black men gang-beating a white man.

A story in today’s Strib reports that, in response to many calls for hate crime charges, the Scott County attorney’s office felt compelled to release a crucial detail: The father is also black.

Well, that’ll make you feel like a jackass, huh? The Strib article mentions that the case was “discussed” by two big local radio stations, KQRS (no stranger to controversy) and KTLK during Jason Lewis’ show (no stranger to occasional unfounded loudmouthery). Without saying it, the Strib article seems to imply that the radio stations’ on-air personalities fanned the flames of hollering for hate crime charges.

I haven’t heard any of the on-air discussions, but regardless, there was apparently enough of a furor that the county attorney felt compelled to clear the air. This is one of those hang-your-head-in-shame moments.

Photo courtesy of jshot_2775 on Flickr

Battle of the Bowlers

Senator Norm Coleman’s bubba bowlers are back, with a bite. This time, Norm has his acting troupe of faux Minnesontans scripted to slash his opponent, Al Franken.

With fresh news today that Franken still is tankin’, rapid response is required. Conventional political wisdom says Al Franken should change the subject back to the issues that poll best for him. I agree with that, but he should also a) candidly admit his own mistakes and b) expose the ridiculous way Norm is portraying Minnesotans. That core condescension ultimately may be the biggest vulnerability of Norm’s increasingly campy bowling series.

Maybe something along these lines would help people understand what is going on here:

Male Bowler #1: Hi, we’re not bowlers

Male Bowler #3: …but we play them on TV!

Female Bowler #2: You know, like the phoney bowler-actors scripted by Senator Norm Coleman in his cheesey little TV ads.

Male Bowler 3#. Norm and George Bush have been giving mongo tax breaks to the wealthiest citizens, so now Norm is trying to make it look like he’s in touch with Minnesotans like you.

Male Bowler #1: So I guess Norm thinks you Minnesotans talk like this (in the accent used on TV)

Female Bowler #2: …and look like this (using moronic facial expressions used in Coleman campaign).

Male Bowler #3: And only care about what is happening in the bowling alley, not what is happening in Basra. (as the other “bowlers” make more moronic faces in the background)

Female Bowler #2: Norm thinks Minnesotans only care about hockey, not the urgent issues impacting our kids and grandkids.

Bowler #1: Honestly, I gotta say, this Coleman guy of yours…must not think much of you guys.

Franken: I’m Al Franken. Look, I know my comedy isn’t for everyone. And I’ve made mistakes that I’m fixing. I’m far from perfect. But I approve this message, because I will never talk down to Minnesotans, and I will always, always shoot it to you straight.

The Frankenistas need to pull back the curtain on Coleman’s campaign. Franken is an unconventional candidate, and his only hope is to run an unconventional campaign.

- Loveland

Mullet-Americans Rally Around Pawlenty

Mullet-Americans are “cautiously optimistic” about rumors that mulleted Minnesotan Tim Pawlenty may soon be named Senator John McCain’s vice presidential running mate.

“It would obviously be historic, and it could really balance the ticket, what with McCain’s embarassing lack of hair below the cervical vertebrae,” said mullet-American activist Billy Rae Cyrus.

Still reeling from the political demise of skullet-American Jesse Ventura and fem-mullet-American Hillary Clinton, mulleteers continue to claim Pawlenty as one of their own, despite allegations that he has recently scaled back on the party side of his mullet.

“Look, we understand that candidates have to ‘run to the middle’ in the general election,” said actress Florence Henderson. “Even I’ve had to moderate under pressure from the mainstream manes running the major studios. But we know Pawlenty will do the right thing once he gets in the White House.”

Mullet-Americans were once a proud and influential group in the 1980s, led by the likes of Ziggy Stardust, MacGyver, Michael Bolton, and Luke from General Hospital. But more recently, an ugly wave of mulletism pushed them into the margins of society.

“Great Clips has actually refused me service, and the ACLU just laughed about it,” said one mullet-American, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, due to fear for his safety. “It’s very emotional to think that some day I might see someone who looks like me attending obscure funerals and being appointed to toothless commissions.”

To understand the tremendous obstacles Pawlenty faces as he attempts to break through what many say is the highest and hardest glass ceiling, consider the hate speech directed at the mulleted minority: “Hockey hair, ten ninety, helmet hair, coupe Longueuil, haircut o’ death, neckwarmer, shorty longback, the 10-90, the Kentucky waterfall, the bi-level, the faded glory, the Ben Franklin, the Missouri Compromise, the Louisiana Purchase, the Camaro crash helmut, the business cut (business in front, party in the back), the LPGA, the soccer flip, the convertible, the Tennessee top hat, the Mississippi mudflap, the Canadian passport, the New Jersey neckwarmer, the Chattanooga choo choo, and the neck blanket.” Perhaps the ultimate insult to Minnesota’s Governor, the proud mullet is sometimes even referred to as “the Wisconsin waterfall.”

Though fossil records prove that homo sapiens with primative mullets have walked the Earth for at least 130,000 years, it was 2001 before the word “mullet” even appeared in dictionaries. The historical implications of a Pawlenty candidacy are not lost on beleaguered ape drape advocates.

“I do get emotional about it,” said Cyrus, whose own hind-heavy tresses have been referred to by mulletist hate groups as The Achy-Breaky Mistakie. “They can call us what they want, but come January, let’s just say there is going to be Pawlenty of hair facing east on the inaugural stage.”

- Loveland

Tapping Into the Soul of Nucleic Acid Extraction

Hands, please.  Who hasn’t faced the challenge of marketing automated pipetting systems for liquid handling tasks inside a cell culture bench or fume hood?

Or some such.

Here’s one approach. No more pipetting late at night, indeed.

[via Boing Boing]

Product Placement in News Shows; Now There’s a Great Idea!

Just when you think we’ve plumbed the depths, we sail off another shelf into deeper waters…

According to today’s New York Times, there’s a growing trend of product placement on morning news shows at local television stations.  The report leads with the Las Vegas Fox affiliate that places McDonald’s breakfast drinks in front of its anchors during the 7:00 am - 9:00 am show:

Anybody besides me think this is a bad idea?

Yes, people shill products on news shows all the time - I’ve done it myself - and yes, most morning local shows are not practicing hard-hitting journalism, but c’mon.  Shouldn’t there at least be a disclaimer sitting next to cups reading, “This is a paid advertisement”?

And, yes, this is a gray area…radio hosts have long blurred this line with their “in-the-flow” endorsements of products and services and every time you see a cooking demonstration, product round-up, segment on “tips for…” from a subject matter expert on TV, chances are near 100% that somewhere off camera is one or more PR types hoping there’s no on-air fuck-up.

That said, most radio hosts don’t position themselves as “journalists” (that’s one reason why someone else at the station delivers the “news”) and most feature segments appear because someone in the newsroom - a producer probably - decided it represented information relevant, useful or important to their audience (part of what journalists do); that’s why you see lots of segments on “how to get your house ready for winter” and “10 quick receipes for leftovers” but not so many on stuff like “Vapidtron rebuts allegations in class action lawsuit.”

I’m filing this complaint not simply because this offends my curmedgeonly sense of right and wrong or because I think media consumers are too dumb to realize why McD’s breakfast drinks are popping up on newsdesks across America (in fact, I think just the opposite; viewers know exactly what’s happening), but because it’s a threat to my livelihood.  One of the best reasons to use public relations over other forms of marketing is that editorial content - aka the stuff in between the ads - is generally accorded higher credibility than advertising and other forms of marketing.  If the stuff between the ads becomes an ad as well, that advantage is lost.

If we’re headed down this slope, I say let’s not stop at any of the waypoints on our way to the vasty deep.  Instead, let’s just go full NASCAR and logo every surface and individual in site.

- Austin

How to save journalism: Sue ‘em!

A Raleigh News & Observer subscriber has an amusing approach to saving the journalism business from itself: Sue it.

A News & Observer subscriber is suing the newspaper for cutting staff and the size of the paper.

Keith Hempstead, a Durham lawyer, filed the suit last month in Wake Superior Court. He says he renewed his subscription in May just before the paper announced on June 16 the layoffs of 70 staff members and cuts in news pages.

The paper, he says, is now not worth what he signed up for and therefore the cuts breached the paper’s contract with him.

Go get ‘em, Keith. A more recent interview with Keith is here from “On the Media.”

I’m not sure how I feel about this, but I’m pretty sure I like the idea of someone going out of his way to get the attention of a newspaper company (the business side) to give them a bold reminder that they might not be on the right track.

Photo courtesy of beachblogger42 on Flickr

Talk Like a Human, Not a PR Drone

Late kudos to Crystal-Pierz Marine, which announced layoffs and store closings Friday. The whole boat industry, like anything dealing with fuel, is hurting. I bought a boat from them a few years ago (on deep discount as it was the previous year’s model, so I didn’t help them much) and liked their service. Now they’re closing half their stores and cutting 150 jobs.

The industry is the softest he’s seen in 40 years, president Luke Kujawa said.

“To be blunt and honest, this really sucks.”

His comment was picked up widely. Way to go. This ain’t MBAspeak — it’s someone saying what he thinks and feels. Sounding like a human. How ’bout that?

PR types could learn that cold, off-the-shelf language doesn’t connect with anyone. Words that real humans speak do connect.

“Write in a speaking tone of voice,” Robert Frost said.

That advice doesn’t suck.

-Benidt

He Shoots, He…?

- Loveland

2nd Cut at the Electoral College Cage Match

Faithful readers will recall that back at the end of May, I posted my first cut of how the general election contest was shaping up looked.  Back then, I posted a short list of states that were in play:

• Colorado 9 votes
• Florida 27
• Indiana 11
• Iowa 7
• Louisiana 9
• Michigan 17
• Missouri 11
• Nevada 5
• New Mexico 5
• Ohio 20
• Pennsylvania 21
• Virginia 13

Let’s see what’s changed in the last month and a half.

The Powerless Puppeteer

I had to wait until Governor Jesse Ventura’s sidekick Dean Barkley formally filed his papers to run for the Senate before I could post this, lest I be the one accused of prompting Jesse to enter Minnesota’s U.S. Senate race. I wouldn’t want that on my conscience.

Well, it now looks like the deed is done. Barkley will seek the Senate, while Ventura will seek the surf.

There are so many ironies swirling around Governor Ventura, but perhaps the foremost one is this: The entity he whines about most incessantly — the news media — may very well be the entity he controls more completely than any elected official I’ve ever seen.

Last night was a classic case in point. What other politician gets a spot on prime time national TV to announce that they’re NOT running for office in a small flyover state? What other politician gets saturation media coverage both before and after the announcement? What other politician gets fawned over though the entire process by people he continually complains are vicious “jackals?”

But that’s just the latest chapter of Jesse controlling the news media like a heel in the ring.

Chapter 1. Has there ever been a modern Minnesota Governor who has won election with less news media scrutiny during the campaign? Granted, that happened because no one thought he could win until the very end. But it also happened because the media was head-over-heels in love with his steady stream of colorful quotes. Compared to his campaign rivals, Ventura clearly got a free ride from Minnesota reporters on the campaign trail.

Chapter 2. Has there ever been a modern Minnesota Governor who was at the outset of his Administration been given a more powerful bully pulpit by the news media? Reporters bestowed unto Ventura the media Midas touch. Most everything he uttered was front page, above the fold.

Sure, Governor Ventura faced media questions, just like any elected official faces questions. It wasn’t quite as scripted as wrestling. But let’s face it, when you say things like religious people can’t think for themselves, you want to be a 38dd bra when you’re reincarnated, and you support legalizing prostitution, you run a distinct risk of getting media questions.

But make no mistake, every political success Jesse Ventura has enjoyed is because he has had the news media in the verbal version of an inverted body vise. Last night when I heard Jesse blaming the media for being too mean to allow a Senate run, it was like hearing a puppeteer griping that his marionette is running roughshod over him.

Jesse’s bizarre conspiracy theories and egomaniacal ways prevent me from supporting him for any public office. But as a newly minted blogger who sometimes run low on material, I must admit I’m a little misty about the fact that the circus will not be coming to town after all.

- Loveland

Full disclosure: I have worked for a) one of Ventura’s opponents, Attroney General Skip Humphrey, though I left for a position in a PR agency a year before the election and b) the Ventura Administration, as a political appointee in the Minnesota Department of Health.