Tiger Rebooted

Last December, I asked the question, “What does Tiger Woods want to do?”  Today, we’ll begin to get the answer as the world’s greatest philanderer/golfer (Shouldn’t it have its own word like biathlon?) convenes a hand-picked group of journalists and others to be stage props in the first gambit of his coming out campaign (he’s reading a statement, taking no questions).

While we don’t know for sure what he’ll say – he could be retiring, could be coming back, could be becoming a monk –  the expectation is that he wants to resume a semblance of his previous life.  If that’s the case, this set-piece will include:

  • An apology
  • A plea for understanding and privacy
  • A resolve to make things right with his family
  • A pledge to live up to the expectations of his family, friends and fans
  • An intention to resume playing golf

We will, if everyone’s guess is accurate, hear these words and phrases:

  • “Sorry”
  • “Regret”
  • “Harm”
  • “Hurt”
  • “Apologize”
  • “Not perfect”
  • “Therapy”
  • “Let down”
  • “Daily struggle”
  • “Recovery”
  • “Commitment”
  • “Resolved to”
  • “Return”

Anybody who’s ever written or delivered a statement like the one Team Tiger has been working on for weeks/months, recognizes these words as the basic set of building blocks in the Lego kit of image rehabilitation. So too will any participant in a 12-step program.

One thing for sure, though, is that – if Tiger’s coming back and not retiring to Tigerland – this is just the first step in a carefully designed campaign.  The next predictable step in the image rehabilitation racket is “The Big Interview” where the subject submits himself to an hour-long interview with one of our collective confessors – Oprah, Bob Kostas (in the field of sports), Larry King, somebody at 60 Minutes) – to “answer the tough questions” in a heavily promoted special show.

For those interested in this stuff, I’m going to reprise my appearance on WCCO-AM this morning with Susie Jones and John Hines to listen to the statement and then puzzle out what it means.  You can listen live on-line.  Should be fun.

– Austin

What Should Tiger Do?

Tomorrow, unless something more newsworthy happens (which – let’s face it – wouldn’t take much), I’m supposed to be on local talk  radio WCCO-AM to talk with hosts Susie Jones and John Hines about, “What should Tiger do?” At 20,000 articles, 17,000,000 Tweets and God knows how many “Can you believe it?” conversations, what’s left to say about the situation? What could I say that hasn’t already been said to death and beyond?

How about, “He doesn’t have to do anything.”


Tiger Woods does not need our good opinions to live the rest of his life in sybaritic splendor.  He doesn’t need a 90% approval rating to play professional golf and to win tournaments.  He doesn’t need to regain his squeaky clean image to make money through sponsorships and endorsements.

The question isn’t what should Tiger do, it’s what does he want to do?

Continue reading “What Should Tiger Do?”