Subpoena Day at the Minnesota Legislature!

In my high school, we had a Valentines Day ritual that non-popular kids like me dreaded. The Spanish Club came up with the brilliant idea of selling carnations for students to give to each other. Red was for “love,” white was for “hope,” and blue was for “friendship.” And, of course, nothing signified, alas, nothingness.

Needless to say the jocks and foxes looked like Rose Bowl Parade floats all day long, while I was as unadorned as a devout Amish elder. No love. No hope. No friendship. It was botanical bullying, pure and simple. There are scars. Oh yes, there are scars.

Will he or won't he?
Similarly, a litigious version of Carnation Day appears to be brewing at the Minnesota State Capitol. Like the Spanish Club, former GOP spokesperson Michael Brodkorb, who was fired from his job after having an affair with Senate leader Amy Koch, is looking for a good fundraising idea. So he is launching a half million dollar lawsuit, and will be issuing subpoenas to former colleagues who, Brodkorb alleges, have had red carnation style carnal relations with each other.

Therefore, the State Capitol, whose petty, insular culture has always been a whole lot like high school culture, is all atwitter about this critical question: “Who will get a Shaboink Subpoena??”

However, given my history of floral abuse, I’m obsessed with the question “Who won’t get a subpoena?” After all, imagine the humiliation if it is revealed that, with all the political porking that apparently has been going on, you DIDN’T have what it takes to have had a ball in the Great Hall, or fun-da in the Rotunda?

The funny thing is, when you think about the Minnesota Legislature, attraction is about the last thing that comes to mind. The way they go at each other verbally, it’s difficult to imagine anyone doing the wild thing with anyone else. Plus, they’re so busy defending marriage and all.

But as with prison cells, there are apparently two basic interpersonal challenges associated with life in the tight confines of the State Capitol: The inmates either hate each other too much, or love each other too much.

At any rate, this is just a long way of saying if I were a legislator, I’m pretty sure I’d have my mom call in sick for me on Shaboink Subpoena Day.

– Loveland

12 thoughts on “Subpoena Day at the Minnesota Legislature!

  1. momkat778 says:

    Very funny. I remember, painfully, those high school days. And doesn’t the session remind one of high school in so many ways.

  2. Dennis Lang says:

    Yes, thanks for sharing those deeply harbored emotions. But, where are those “jocks and foxes” now? Thankfully, at least in some cases the universe has a way of establishing equilibrium. My bet, they’re unrecognizable.

  3. Ellen Mrja says:

    Joe: I wulda brung ya a bookay of red ‘uns if’n I han’t been in the group home.

    -Brandine

  4. Joe Loveland says:

    Minnpost’s Beth Hawkins has a very informative post analyzing issues deeper than just the political gamesmanship of the Straightmategate scandal. She concludes:

    “…whether he has a winnable case or not, Brodkorb can cause a lot of discomfort for a lot of people and over a span of time they’d sooner not imagine. But he can hardly convene the kind of secretive Star Chamber his statements suggest, nor can the party of fiscal responsibility easily pay out.”

  5. Jim Leinfelder says:

    Brodkorb is not offering red carnations in the form of subpoenas, rather he is more akin to a vindictive male version of Hester Prynne threatening her neighbors with their own “Scarlet Letters” after being let out of the stocks.

  6. Joe,
    How do we florists do damage control here? We’re horrified to have been implicated in high school carnation carnage. We florists want nothing more than for our customers to be satisfied and include as many people in their floral gifting as possible. We certainly hope that you haven’t been permanently scarred by these incidents, and will give us another chance.
    In order to make good on this promise we will be sending you lots and lots of red white and blue carnations (didya know carnations don’t really come in blue?)
    Sex and politics seem to have an awful lot of overlap, lately…hmmm…

    1. PM says:

      Yeah, I do wonder just how “inadvertent” that posting was….

      Certainly he gets more attention, and just as he is trying to negotiate a settlement. i could see this as being a not so subtle reminder.

      On the other hand, i kind of suppose that this depends on just whose names are on that list. If they are all GOP names, then it really doesn’t make a lot of sense as a negotiating ploy, given that the Senate Dems are now the ones he is negotiating with.

      But then, maybe it was just a mistake…don’t want to get too caught up with conspiracy think!

      1. Joe Loveland says:

        Given the bare knuckled brawler involved here, I don’t think that’s too much of a conspiracy theory. Of all the documents in this case The Document is the one that gets accidentally posted? It’s possible it was a mistake. It’s likely it was not.

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