39 thoughts on “My Fourth Annual, “If I Were King, by God There’d be Some Changes Around Here” Rant.

  1. Methinks the King has tarried too long in his sauna, overheating his brain and dulling his judgment. I refer, your Lordship, to your casual willingness to see a stadium built for Zigi Wilf and his hapless band of losers. Do you not know, Highness, that Mr. Wilf is a carpet bagger and a blackguard, a veritable highwayman demanding our wallets to enrich himself? Sir, he is not even one of us!

    True, the Wilfster threatens to deprive us of our team if we do not yield. But what hollow warning is such, Your Hugeness? The Vikings, as they call themselves, are a but a gray, lifeless study in futility. Royal Honcho, they are not worthy. They shall never win it all.

    I say No! Let us fight for what is ours and send this interloper and his henchmen packing. We have numbers, Your XXLness…every single Minnesota Poll shows it to be so.

    Plus, as I’m sure your Royal Utmost is fully aware, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the Metrodome.

    1. Even so supreme a being as myself must accept that their are forces larger still. Such are the NFL and the Wilfs, toying with get-a-life fans and silly politicians who want a gleaming new stadium as their public heritage.

      And as for never winning it all, oh wretched, negatory kvetch-nik, with a completed pass here, a timely tackle there, and a few less texts, our beloved purple might have been 7-9 instead of 6-10.

      1. Jim Leinfelder says:

        Hey, King Bollocks, how about a proper hurling pitch for myself and the lads, for %$&# sake?!

      1. PM says:

        Yes, can you believe it? after growing up here and graduating from high school in Minneapolis, he left! He actually went to college somewhere else! And after a career somewhere else, he decided to come back here! of all the gall! what is he, stupid? has he forgotten what the weather is like?

      2. Mike Thomas says:

        Yes the New York born Franken lived here for a few years and went to high school at Breck, turned his back on the state for 40 years until after a dismal stint at a bankrupt (and corrupt) radio network he “re-discovered” his Minnesota roots. Funny he did’nt want to stick around too long as he was looking to move to Washington DC. I am guessing he didn’t have to unpack a lot of boxes in his Minneapolis condo.
        So did he forget the winter? I doubt he has been in the state long enough to feel it.

      3. PM says:

        BTW, does that make him more or less of a carpet bagger than Norm Coleman?

        (Did you know that Norm used to be a roadie for Ten Years After? That is what has always impressed me the most about him….)

      4. Mike Thomas says:


        Al Franken is more of a carpet bagger. Franken lived here for 13 years when he was forced to as he was a minor. Norm Coleman chose to live here, work, marry, raise a family in Minnesota for over 30 years. After many years of residency he ran for office. I am sure you will disagree, but I think that choice to live in a state for over 30 years makes you less of a carpet bagger than moving into town after bankrupting a radio network, only to want to take the next job out of town.

  2. If you can make the fact-checking happen, you’ve got my vote for king of the United States.

    And if you can arrange the Michelle Bachman/Lewis Black debate, make that king of the world.

    I’d pay actual money for that one.

  3. Good stuff, King, although, methinks Terry Gross needs the services of that speech therapist who boosted Prince Albert to the throne. It generally takes her a few hours to stammer her way into a viable question, doesn’t it? I think she must have gone to school on Dick Cavett, who couldn’t complete a spoken sentence,much less a question.

      1. Jim Leinfelder says:

        Yeah, that Terry Gross and Dick Cavett, deliver us from intelligence and wit. What’s the gold standard with you two?

      2. Jim, I can’t speak for His Royal Hiney, but my problem with Terry Gross and Dick Cavett is that they’re horrible interviewers. It pains me sometimes to hear Terry Gross trying to figure out what the question is she’s trying to ask. I once heard a guest of hers, and honestly don’t remember who, who patiently abided her stumbling and stuttering and retorted, “Is there a question in there, Terry?” Compare her or Cavett’s rambling to the sharp, crisp, pointed questions of, say, Rachel Maddow. She’ll do for a gold standard these days, in my book.

  4. I thought this was a Christian blog and this a posting about the Kingdom of God but Holy Schmidt, did I take a wrong turn or what. I’m praying for you librul godless brood of vipers.
    Pastor Paul

  5. Ellen Mrja says:

    paul: of course we understand why you would mistake for a christian blog one called “the same rowdy crowd.” 🙂

  6. john sherman says:

    Well, your less than serene highness, I’d suggest some combining. For example, the new Vikings coliseum could be built by convict labor to save money; said convicts to be supplied from the upper reaches of Wall Street. At first they’d probably be pretty incompetent at cement finishing or hod carrying, but it’s nothing a sadist with a whip couldn’t cure.

    Then the debate could be combined with real time fact checking, and the time spent explaining why a given claim was utter crap would be treated like injury time in soccer, so the debate would be the full 90 minutes even is several hours had to be devoted to debunking nonsense. And once a spin point was declared a lie, if a debater used it again he or she would be punished by having to wear a dunce cap, actually a gradated series: the cap for the first lie would look something like a Shriner’s fez, but the cap would get progressively taller until the debater could no longer sustain the weight.

    Something similar might be done with filibuster reform forcing the filibuster (the noun comes ultimately from the Dutch word for pirate) to not only speak but be constantly fact checked. Something also should be done about holds; first of all, no senator should not be able to prevent someone from becoming an ambassador, judge of cabinet under secretary anonymously, and the duration of holds should be severely limited, and anybody creating a hold on somebody who is confirmed by 90 votes or more should be tied backwards on a mule and led down Broadway as the assembled populace is allowed to throw dead animals and rotten vegetables at him.

    Now that the specter of $4 or even $5 a gallon gas is being discussed, maybe mass transit, even bullet trains, will become more popular. The first thing that has to happen that the schedules are to be determined by Amtrak or whoever runs the trains, not the freight lines. A few years ago the Amtrak train I took to NYC was 13 hours late less because flooding gummed the lines, but because the freight lines decided which trains got priority when things were cleared up, so we spent endless hours on sidings as freights pulling empty gondolas whizzed by on the main line.

    1. Chain gangs are a grossly underutilized asset. As well as building stadiums and railroads, some could relieve certain “representatives”
      of voting in the state legislature.

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