25 thoughts on “March Madness — a Swiftian U of M Escort Service

  1. PM says:

    Works for me.

    College athletics are no more (and no less) than a minor league player development program run for professional sports, especially football and basketball. And most colleges do not make any money off of this (only the 20 or so most successful programs in the country, if i remember correctly).

    The U should follow the lead of those truly revered educational institutions such as the University of Chicago or the Ivy league, or, for that matter, almost every division III school, and de-emphasize athletics immediately.

    Let those who want their sports get it thru an entertainment medium, not an educational medium, And there is no good argument for cross subsidization (entertainment subsidizing education). What always happens is that the one subverts the other.

    We probably have too many people going to college in this country anyway. Certainly they are not getting a great education.

  2. John Gaterud says:

    Dont get th appolexi your talkin hear. coach sez were doin goode on cort & thatt gnu TFC Feilid over at U’s were were doin goood to last yer i think and next to. caoch sez allso that teh pace hes’ gettin o-Ka compaird to kinds others gets’ like Coack’s Ks from dukes butt maybee kids gradates beter their mabee then hear dont now nkow madder. coacch allso sez yer stooppud (get it, Pud?) reemarke’z bout girrlz gonne wilde on planttions hear make know cents ether. cumthinkaboutit nun off youre points was lost bedsides me. butt now this, you of them them SmaRt@ss retort’es we kreepes redin hear: well be backed nex yer you wach & watin se. Coach sez. An pubic 2 its’ what theye alweights wantids. jeeshz,,, whada idoit

  3. Dennis Lang says:

    Hilarious! An idea that makes sense to the point of being a little too discomforting. But athletics have always been an integral part of collegiate life. That their commercialization has gone over the edge isn’t inconsistent. It seems our way of doing things–growing the business. Not long ago this tournament didn’t even qualify for prime time. From one perspective, todays media saturation and staggering revenue quite an achievement. (Maybe Tubby is worth more than–what? fifteen or twenty Sociology and Philosophy professors.)

    1. PM says:

      Sure, but why should we support this with our taxes?

      I think that the u should spin off its athletics department, drop all pretense at an educational function. Maybe attach it to the Racino. Follow the UNLV model….

      (TPAW, are you reading this?? you can have this idea of mine for free!)

    2. Yes, athletics have always been a part. But they shouldn’t be as outsized a part as they are. Start a club team or an intramural league. Football players in college need a field and a beer bash to raise funds for pads and helmets. They don’t need quadrillion-dollar stadiums (or is it “stadia,” Loveland?).

  4. Ellen Mrja says:

    Rumor: Both Auburn and Oregon are wooing Tubby Smith..and there’s more moolah out there for him. What would you pay to keep him at the U of M, people?

  5. PM says:


    is there a reason that your escort services are limited to young women? Why not male escorts as well? Plenty of female alums who might also want to participate, you know….

    1. Dennis Lang says:

      And of course male escorts for males of that particular persuasion. It’s 2010 afterall. The whole concept has unlimited social media possiblities: Twitter; Your Space; My Face etc. etc. Where’s Keliher when we need him to role out the game plan?

      1. Dennis Lang says:

        PS: The confusion of words of identical pronunciations but different meanings is called what?
        That’s “roll” (above).

      2. PM says:

        Personally, I kinda like the way you snuck that “your space, my face” deal in there….

        Sort of rolls right off of the tongue, doesn’t it?

    1. Dennis Lang says:

      For you PM nothing is off limits. The more subterranean, the more egalitarian in my view.

  6. Mike Kennedy says:


    Good post. Thoughtful, true and great satire.

    Of course, there are schools like Duke, Stanford, Gonzaga and others that can do it all — graduate student athletes with excellent GPAs and who excel on the field or court.

    Granted, not enough do, but what is the option for many of these kids? They’ll have a better chance in our university system than they did in our failing public schools, of which many of them are products.

    It starts at the beginning.

    Since reform is the topic of so much (think health care) public debate, why aren’t we reforming K-12?

    Our schools are failing by every measurable standard. The more we spend, the worse it gets. Where is the outrage?

      1. Mike Kennedy says:

        Oh brother. More tinkering at the federal level is going to help our failing schools? It hasn’t done that under umpteen administrations but this guy has the ticket?

        Re-arranging evaluations of students isn’t the key to more effective and proficient classrooms.

        The entire system is broken and changing standards for evaluating success of kids and/or teachers is unlikely to help.

        I didn’t read one thing in that article that addresses charter schools or vouchers or any other ideas that the left hates.

        That’s quite possibly because they plan to do the same thing with education as they have done with health care. I can’t wait.

      2. PM says:

        you asked why no one was addressing education, and i pointed out to you that people are indeed addressing education, and now you are complaining that they will probably make it worse because they are addressing it……

        Well, what, specifically, do you want them to do about it?

        Your original complaint was invalid (that it was being ignored), so lets see if there is any substance to your subsequent complaint….

      3. Mike Kennedy says:

        No, what I said is why aren’t we reforming it. I don’t believe I used addressing.

        Addressing a problem and actually doing something to solve it are two different matters. I can address the fact that something is taking or not taking place without doing anything to improve it.

        It is exactly what they are doing by moving a few standards around without changing the system — like moving the deck chairs while ignoring the iceberg.

    1. Mike Kennedy says:

      Surely, you are familar with the concept of which I am speaking because the left said as much about Republicans. They addressed health care but didn’t offer anything of substance to improve it. It’s the same charge I’m leveling here about the Dems and public education.

  7. john sherman says:

    Years ago a professor at Northwestern proposed an even simpler solution to their football problems: Bring in the Chicago Bears as artists in residence.

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