Bruce Benidt
Jon Austin
tcarideo
Ellen Mrja
Mike Keliher
Joe Loveland
Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura’s new television show about conspiracy theories is a natural fit for him. His obsession with conspiracies allegedly aimed at him – by the media jackals, the major political parties, World Wrestling Federation Chairman Vince McMahon and countless others – have long fueled his body slammin’ career.
Now that Governor Ventura has gone big time, let’s hope he doesn’t forget about the Land of 10,000 Fakes. After all, Minnesota has conspiracy theories that need exposing too:
• Mind controlling bar codes are secretly used to prevent Minnesotans from moving away during the January-April period.
• Former DFL gubernatorial candidate Roger Moe began life as Sesame Street straight man Kermit The Frog, but had massive plastic surgery in a botched attempt to impersonate an electable Scandinavian.
• The smoking ban caused the closure of Fort Snelling.
• Billionaire former GOP Party Chairman Bill Cooper has covertly funded the DFL Party leadership during its two decades of self-defeating behavior and gubernatorial drought.
• Ole and Lena have split and the embittered couple are no longer remotely funny.
• Governors of competing states secretly orchestrated the No New Taxes pledge in an attempt to destroy vaunted Minnesota’s quality of life.
• After drinking too much fluoridated water, former Packer Brett Favre…oh who really cares about him anymore?
• 10,000 lakes is an embarrassing rounding error.
• Sightings of Governor Pawlenty actually doing his job in Minnesota were staged by the people who faked the Apollo 11 landings.
Anyone know any others? The truth is out there…
- Loveland
Filed under: Communications, Fun, Government, Humor, Journalism, Media, Politics | Tagged: conspiracy theories, Governor Jesse Ventura, Governor Tim Pawlenty
this stuff is real funny, even to someone in South Carolina
(Is it my imagination or is Ventura starting to look like Hulk Hogan?)
Well, this isn’t a conspiracy, it’s just true. Al Franken has been writing Michele Bachmann’s stuff for three years.
Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, long known to be a White Sox fan, broke Pat Neshek’s arm — and thus endeth the Twins season. But the real conspiracy is this: Jesse Crain, desperate for playing time, was the Shane Stant to Blago’s Tonya Harding.
In my head, I can hear Jesse’s voice saying these words with great conviction.
Brilliant hypothesis. How else to explain a pitching staff once thought to have the potential of the 1970 Orioles, seemingly being possessed by a girl’s softball team of nine-year olds?
I would not mind never seeing Jesse Crain take the mound again. Maybe it’s a lack of talent. Maybe it’s terrible luck. Either way, I’d rather have Michele Bachmann serve as our middle reliever.
Michele, thoroughly irrational and a certified psycho, might just be perfect to strike fear in the hearts of hitters.
Jesse has yet to have been in serious error in any segment I’ve seen concerning government and corporate actions or more correctly criminal actions.
Perhaps it is the tendency of many as I’ve found, being seriously uninformed, that they make such lame and foolish claims against the man.
Actually, I encourage people to pay closer attention to his future programs, they might learn something and perhaps contribute in returning this nation to the envy many around the world once had of America. The alternative is to continue living in what I believe is self imposed blindness and ignorance, hoping to escape blame for what this nation has become. In the past many were called the ’silent majority’, however of late Hitler Germany has caused this term to be disused as it properly should.