Spinplications of Recount News

black-holeToday, Al Franken pulled ahead in the U.S. Senate recount. A couple dozen steps still need to play out before we have a winner, but this is a milestone. After all, Franken has been behind in the media counts for weeks.

We at SRC are not recount experts, but we are spin savants. So let us ponder the milestone’s spinplications. For weeks, Senator Coleman has been vigorously arguing against counting illegally excluded absentee ballots, judicial involvement and the recount in general. Now that he’s behind, he assumably will be forced to attempt the most difficult PR move known to man, the dreaded Reverse Spin.

The Reverse Spin requires one to completely unsell that which he or she has aggressively sold. With a complete straight face, Senator Coleman will have to Reverse Spin from “it would be a crime to burden the taxpayers with a recount!” to “common decency demands that every vote must be counted, no matter the duration or expense!” From “absentee ballots must never be counted!” to “the future of our democracy depends on absentee ballots being counted!” From “we must keep the lawyers out of this at all costs!” to “let’s remove this from the filthy political arena and resolve this in a fair, impartial court of law!”

And it could get even more interesting. If subsequent phases of the recount lead the Senator to retake the lead in the media counts, he may need to attempt the never before executed Double Reverse Spin. The DRS calls for the spinner to return to the original positions he took before he RS-ed out of them. Astro physicists have long postulated that a successful DRS could lead to the creation of a black hole and End Times, leaving the recount forever in doubt.

- Loveland

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12 Responses

  1. Loveland:

    Do you remember in September when astrophysicists turned the Hadron Collider particle accelerator into a machine that would re-create the Big Bang?

    Would Coleman’s Double Reverse Spin sort of cause the same thing, but in reverse? And, if so, would he be the first into the black hole or does he BECOME the black hole?

    And where does good ol’ Al go?

  2. Once it became clear that 60 was out of reach, I suddenly became a lot less personally committed to the outcome of this race. And since I did that, this has actually become a lot of fun to watch!

    In particular, I have really enjoyed watching Norm’s gyrations (as wonderfully described by Ellen), accented by the impending implosion of the Kazemeny investigation. Wow.

    And Franken–must be tough for him to be quiet and let his guy go to town all the time. I just love the thought of trying to picture Al biting his tongue….

    What really made the difference for me was when I accepted that no matter how bad this became, it would never be worse than Gov. Ventura. And now i am really enjoying the idea that Minnesota is an interesting place to be from. Our politics are fun again! We are no longer boring and bland! And we don’t even have to be corrupt to accomplish this! Why sell a senate seat when you can argue it to death?

  3. I can’t help it. Loveland’s astrophysical image just makes me think of a guy with his head so far up his own ass he just disappears with a soft little “poit” noise. I can’t tell, however, if the man in the picture in my disturbed head is Norm or Al. Or if I can tell the diff. Or if I care.

  4. I’m with PM. A year of politics that was as entertaining as it was historic is ending with a full kabuki flourish. As comedy writer Franken watches the race being decided by The Lizard People and The Flying Spaghetti Monster, he must have terrific SNL script ideas buzzing in his head.

  5. All I can do is smile, and thank MN.

  6. You speak of this Reverse Spin, which is supposed the “most difficult PR move known to man.” But I have heard of another move, and I believe this is actually the most difficult: the No Spin.

    Also commonly referred to as the Shut the Fuck Up, this nearly impossible move involves actually shutting the fuck up and letting a process run it’s course. An awkward move for anyone who’s spent even a hint of time in the public eye, this move is often accompanied by things referred to as Class, Tact, Restraint and Dignity.

    Experts have debated whether this move even really exists outside of laboratory conditions, much like a baseball pitcher’s “gyroball.”

  7. Mikey, that’s crazy talk. No such thing.

  8. Yes, thanks for bringing it up MK, the little used (intense degree of difficulty) “STFU Maneuver” not to be confused with the “Heimlick” although certain aspects of the complex procedure are shared. A quick perusal of the Graduate Course Catalogue at the venerable U of M reveals an Honors Course with limited class enrollment (two) is being offered in Advanced Media Relations this spring.

  9. If they train two people per semester in this fine art, that’s two more practitioners of STFU per semester than I’m aware of.

  10. excellent…………………………………………..

  11. [...] image under GNU Free Documentation Liscence | Black Hole image from The Same Rowdy Crowd] Share and [...]

  12. Black Hole

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